Thursday 29 March 2007

Why is it that everytime I mention

something to Samuel that he doesn't like that he responds so negatively? Like this morning, he was printing out some homework and I checked it over. I found a couple of spelling mistakes and a sentence or two that didn't actually make sense. I told him "you just need to fix up these things."

Oh my goodness, the look I got, the tears welled up. The excuses came out 'but I will be late. I knew you would find something wrong.' etc etc Well, if you knew I would find something wrong buddy boy, why didn't you make sure there wasn't?? I didn't say this to him. Would have made it worse. So, he had to change a few things. Not a big deal I thought. Well, I was wrong.

So, he prints it out again. Looks great, I tell him so. He says thanks.

All over? Nope. I then mention the school photos that he had done a couple of weeks ago. I mentioned it even though I said to myself I wouldn't. I mentioned it because he has his student id hanging around his neck with this photo of him doing a weird smile and his hair parted down the side. When I saw the photos the other day I was gobsmacked! How could this be my handsome boy? He had this super fake smile - one that he does when he doesn't want to show all of his teeth - God knows why. And his hair! I thought, when I saw them - well that is a waste of $32! But then thought oh well - school photos are never that great etc etc and reminded myself that I should have just ordered the group photo as I have plenty of nice single shots of all of my kids. Next time I will do that. Anyway, so I say why did you do the fake smile in that photo? And of course he comes back with 'I didn't! It is my normal smile.' Ummmm no it isn't I say - look at these photos etc. Well, again I have set him off. I just can't seem to communicate with him anymore.

Will show the photo here this afternoon when I get back from work...

And to top it off, as he is walking out the door (he has said Goodbye and I love you mum already) I say 'have you got your lunch?' 'Yes.' 'What did you take?' 'An apple.' and I go off my nut - we have had an issue the last two weeks with the food he is taking to school. Either a banana or an apple. That is it - for the whole school day.

He does have a big breakfast. But now he has decided that one piece of fruit is enough for the day. This from a boy who used to take 2 pieces of fruit, a sandwich and snack things. Now he is down to 1 piece of fruit??

I found this out on Monday (the kids make their own lunches from a large variety of offerings)
from Samuel's arch nemesis, Bronte. I hear this conversation...

Bronte: 'Samuel, have you made your lunch yet?'
Samuel: 'Yes.'
Bronte: 'When? I didn't see you?'
Samuel: 'Shut up Bronte.'

Now, I am not silly. I realise that something is happening. So I say 'Samuel, have you made your lunch yet?' 'Yes mum.' 'Can you show me please?' He goes and gets it. Whoopee - one whole banana!

I asked him what is going on. Has someone said something to him? Apparently not. Are you buying food from the canteen. No, I'm not. Why, then are you only taking one piece of fruit? I am not hungry, there is no time to eat, etc etc. No good reason as far as I can see.

So I say, sorry you have to take at least a sandwich and two pieces of fruit. But I don't want to he says. I say, bad luck. He capitulates. Who knows if he eats it??

So, each day since Monday I get him to show me his lunch. Good so far, until today of course.

Because he is still completing homework well past the time he is meant to be off to school. He says there is not time to make a sandwich (well I would have done it for him if I had known) - I mean we all get up at 7am - he doesn't need to leave until 8.15am - loads of time don't you think? So, it is already 8.30am and I say - what have you got? One apple. What!!?? No, sorry - grab a sandwich as well. The tears start. I am late. I don't have time. Well, he took a sandwich but now of course, I feel bad. The day has begun for him and for me in a negative way.

How to change? How to encourage him to eat enough for a growing teenage boy (well almost a teen)?

Suggestions anyone??

4 comments:

Trudi said...

Welcome to the wonderful world of the unpredictable teen. Communication is such a delicate balance you spend half your time wondering if you are getting it right, and more often than not the other half convincing yourself that you are definaltely getting it wrong.
Everything in their world is suddenly an issue and you wish to turn the clock back to when understanding them was just second nature.
Keep saying all the right things Kate, there is no easy solution, it DOES sink in, they just dont tell you that!

Lynda said...

Oh I agree - teenangel here he comes!! - Sounds like he is perfectly on track. Just come to grips with the idea that NOTHING you say will ever be right - and you will be fine. High school is a torturous place to have to spend 6 years - and there is no way for us to understand how difficult being a part of that community is - we have moved on and can never again put ourselves into the minds of a teenangel. Good Luck Babe - you are in for an exciting ride.

handinhandaus said...

Zac is doing all the same things. We don't get tears we get looks from Zac or the we never understand type comments. I am reading the secrets of happy children omnibus by Steve Biddulph at the moment and it has given me some good hints as to how I am patronising more than encouraging Zac to sort any problems out himself. I never would have seen my behaviour as patronising but he makes good points as I will jump in with a solution rather than ask him to think of one himself. Not a deal with a lot of teen issues but a good read, if your interested I will send it on when I'm finished.

Ebony Rose said...

Oh Kate, i feel for you, and only wish my turn for this could just wait until, say, ah, NEVER lol,

I love my kids now, I'm not looking forward to it at all!!
Good luck
Ebz xox