The Anniversary of Dad or Opa as the kids called him...

The 14th of June 2002, another day that started as any other.

It was a Friday morning, I had taken the two boys to school and then took Bronte to 'Bubbles and Bootees', a playgroup that I ran at the school for mums and dads with young children. We used to have Champagne and food and coffee! At 9.30am in the morning - a good Catholic school we are!

Anyway, I remember looking up at the clock at 9.58am. Don't know why but remember being startled that it was only that time.

Went on with the playgroup and finished that around 10.30 or 11am - not sure which. Headed towards home with Bronte who was 3 at the time and decided to stop at a couple of Op Shops and have a browse...didn't find anything exciting though.

Got home and saw that the Answering Machine was flashing away. Listened to the messages, a couple from my sister and one from my sister in law. They were strange. Christine (my sister) asked me to ring her at work which was a bit unusual. The one from my Sister In Law asked if I had spoken to Christine - I began to feel uneasy.

I found my sister's work number - at the time she worked at the RSPCA in Bairnsdale, Victoria. Rang the number, a man answered and I asked to speak to Christine.

He said "Sorry, she has gone home, her father died." I said (and I distinctly remember this) 'But that's MY father!' and I hung up. Shaking.

I called Joyce my neighbour - who is ALWAYS there for me in a crisis. She knows my dad she knows what to do. I say to her 'Joyce, Dad is dead' She cries out in anguish - I can hear it still - and says I will be right there. She runs to me. I am standing in my kitchen. Shocked. She says what happened? I say I don't know I rang the RSPCA and he said Dad is dead. She is confused. I say I have to ring Stan but I can't remember his phone number. I say I have to ring Christine but I can't find my phone book. We look and I can't find it. I sink to the floor. She locates the phone book somewhere, I find Christine's number. I can't remember if I speak to her or not. I think I do. She tells me he had a massive heart attack and is dead. She is upset that the RSPCA guy told me as she instructed him not to...I ring Stan and get him paged...he answers the phone and all I say is 'Dad is dead. The RSPCA told me.' He speaks to Joyce. She is crying. I am too.

It is pretty much a blur but Stan comes home straight away. Joyce calls friends of hers and ours - Joan and Les - Joan is Bronte's Godmother. They look after Bronte I think?

I talk to my brother Stephen who lives in Olinda. We decided to drive to Bairnsdale even though Dad died in Neerim South. We meet at Christine's with my brother Michael and I think Mark comes down from Sydney. We meet with Dad's girlfriend Marina. She is devastated. She tells us what happened - he woke in the morning not feeling well and got up to go to the toilet and had a heart attack as he got up. The Ambulance guys worked on him for 20mins (I think) but no good.

My friends from the kids school rally around to look after the kids and help Stan. I am away for a few days with my siblings and it is not so bad. Not too many arguments about things - everyone is hurting in their own way. They want to bury dad on the 18th of June. That is Bronte's birthday. I ask if we can do it a day earlier or a day later but no one wants to. Thanks for that.

So, all arrangements are done. Stephen and I come home to Melbourne. The school community rally around - send meals to the house and offers of help.

I had already organised Bronte's party for the 18th. A Fairy Party at the Fairy Cave. I rang my friend Sue and asked her to talk to the people who were running it to see if I could cancel and shift it to the Friday. No problems. I gave Sue a list of the invitees (the list was in my head). She rang them all and told of the change of plans and the reason.

There was a viewing on the night before the funeral. I decided to go. Stan didn't want to so I went with my siblings and Dad's girlfriend was there too. All I can remember is that he was in his pyjamas! Why was he in his pyjamas I asked? Marina (the gf) said she chose that because he loved his pjs and he looked so comfy in them. He also loved to chew PK chewing gum so she placed a packet in his pj pocket. He looked peaceful yet different. His nose looked big. I remember thinking that over and over - that his nose looked pointy! Funny the things you think about.

I was happy I saw him as it helped me realise that it was final. That he wasn't just a 4 hour drive away.

Anyway, the funeral was lovely. I would not speak but my sister did. It was nice. Samuel who was 7 at the time wrote something about his Opa. I think it was nice but can't remember. He read it out at the Church. Zachary and Bronte did drawings of Opa - the three stood at the altar in front of the coffin and laid the writings and drawings on top. It was a special moment.

When I look back on such defining moments - I can see humour. I giggle slightly when I think of what I said to Stan 'The RSPCA told me dad is dead.' I mean no wonder Stan was confused!

I think of how people came together for his funeral and how it was the day of Bronte's birthday. How she got presents in the morning and then we went to the Church for the funeral. Of how at the wake - everyone sang Happy Birthday to her and she had the best fun. How she thought that it was a wonderful day. How we had the Birthday Cake and the Birthday song.

How, on the drive home to Melbourne the next day, we saw the most SPECIAL sunset and Samuel said 'Look mum! Opa has sent that sunset for Bronte's birthday present - isn't it beautiful?' and he said 'I bet Grandma is happy to see him and I wonder if she is mad he had a girlfriend?' - how kids bring things into perspective is amazing!

I miss my dad, I was not close to him but I miss him. I was a bit upset at him for a while after mum died so didn't have much to do with him but he knew I loved him. I had emailed him photos of the kids just a few days before he died so was happy that he got that.

I miss you dad. I love you.